dysula的部落格

from percocets to banging Oxycontin, and coming out alive.

Hello everyone.

Firstly, I really wanted to say sorry about the long read, but my friend Sally really wants to get this out!

Sally is a wife, a stay at home mom to 2 beautiful kids, college educated, owned her own house, and really had the "life" that people dream of. Sally has always been a recreational drug user, and has always believed in "responsible drug use". Sally's husband was also a recreational drug user, having grown up in the UK during the boom of the rave scene.

It started when Sallys husband was prescribed percocet for his back pain, and both decided to have some fun. After a while sally found oxycontin, but only vowed to use on the weekends. 1 80mg pill would be enough for sally and her husband for an entire evening. It made her feel alive again, she was unaware of the depression she was suffering from. Weekend use started slipping, and before she knew it, she was using everyday. Once Sally realized she was addicted, her husband and her vowed to quit together. But the thing with opiates. (she thinks) that you CANT controll it. She spend a good 3 years of her life being sick, then relapsing, being sick and relapsing, and wouldn't get professional help b/c she was to "proud", as sally thought, she was better than that. she was a mother, part of the PTA, not a junkie.

Whenever sally tried to detox herself, she would read detox advise, and stories from this forum, which really helped her see the light, and made her feel that people were there to support her, even though she never made herself known. Unfortunately the people she surrounded herself with were not helping the cause. Sally could only clean herself up for a month at the most. Her marriage was toxic, in the fact that they would use together, quit together. but when someone wanted to relapse, the other would too. 1 particular time they tried to quit cold turkey. she was in so much pain, and couldn't handle being sick anymore. Her husband and her vowed to see a doctor to help. but in the meantime, they thought why not try using needles. just this one time, and they would get help in the morning. (Sally laughs now "just this one time" needless to say she never snorted again after injecting)

They went to their family doctor, and told him the situation. Their doctor gave them both 200mcg fentanyl patches, to ween themselves off with. They didn't have to do a weekly urine test, and their family doctor trusted them. Sally and her husband soon started to find ways to abuse fentanyl, and were very convincing when speaking to their doctor. They received free opiates (thanks to her husbands amazing benefits), and would supplement with oxycontin/dilaudid, and whatever else they could find when they ran out of the fentanyl. This went on for a while. Sally lost about 60lbs in the course of a year, and had bruises all up and down her hands and arms. When she and her husband first started it was so minimal, and so inexpensive, but at the end, Sally had to inject 5 80mg oxycontin tabs to get high or a minimum of 3 to take away the sickness. The most dangerous part was she hid it very well from her family and friends. only a few select people knew about it. They stopped going out and seeing friends and family, and really became recluses in their home. only seeing and spending time with other drug users.

Sally and her husband were easily spending 2k a week on dope, and were broke, so sally had an idea to copy and replicate her doctors prescription. her husband went into the pharmacy, and it worked! Being blinded by drugs. they did this 2 more times (the same day), and got caught. This was rock bottom for both of them, as her husband has never been in trouble with the law before this. The Doctor cut off her husband on his fentanyl supply, childrens aid were called anomalously, and showed up at the door and wanted to have a look around. (they left not feeling the children were in danger, and not knowing sally was an addict. )

Sally had enough of this life, and they both seeked help together. They found a great Doctor at the First Step clinic, and went on Suboxone. Because of the weekly urine tests, they both stayed clean. They needed the structure and someone to answer to. Temptation was still all around them. Sally and her husband decided to do something drastic. Life felt stale, and they decided to move country (something she has always wanted to do, but never had the gut to do so). Afte 5 months of being on suboxone, they started their taper. She was on 16mg suboxone, and took drastic measures to get off the drug by the time they moved. When she went off suboxone, she had a hard time, (although nothing like what she went though so many times in the past). But their addiction got the best of them. A week after detoxing of suboxone, they relapsed. I think she just wanted to feel it one last time.

It took her about 2 months to feel normal again. Music started having meaning and evoking emotion again. She realized the dope made her dead inside. She felt thankful that her husband and her were still together during the whole ordeal..but made a promise to herself (that still stands today) if anyone of them used, together or apart, the marriage would have to end.

Sally started her treatment Oct 25 2010 and only relapsed once. They got themselves $50k more debt. lost many friends, but learned so much about themselves, and the people they surround themselves with. Sally now knows who is important in her life. They sold their house, and moved to the UK, and are now renting. but have met so many great new friends, and love the life they have now. Sally read a great book called "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goldman that changed her life.

Every now and then, when she see's her veins pop out, the only thing she can think of is using. She doesn't ever think she will look at a vein the same way. But at that same token, she doesn't look at life the same way either.

If she could do it all over again would she change it? NO..

This is her past, and has made her who she is today. She learned more about herself in the past 3 years than she could ever imagine. She still feels extreme guilt for her children so she tries to do more now. She still thinks and dreams about using once and a while..but the thoughts are starting to become less frequent. If it weren't for the addiction, Sally wouldn't be where she is today.

This has been one of the best life lessons she has ever experienced, and she hopes that if she can help just 1 person, then this whole experience wasn't a waste!

Thanks for reading her story! And thanks to DF for helping her through her long journey.

If anyone has any questions in regards to suboxone treatment or anything else for that matter, She will be more than happy to help!

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